Grief- Part 2

Saturday, March 15th, 2020 we were given instructions by the department of health and Governor Mike Dewine to lock our doors to outside visitors. 9 months prior, my dad died. Today I’ll share more specifically about the grief of losing him.

I felt heartache. It ached literally and continuously for months without stopping. I couldn’t get relief. It’s something I had no choice but to live with. The heartache part of my grief lasted about 6 months. If you’ve experienced grief and heartache, you know grief can’t be turned off. I was handling it. God gave me grace and mercy. However, when covid lockdowns occurred, I was still going through the grieving process and all the sudden the intensity of my grief escalated. The very person I needed to talk to, I was grieving instead.

Grief isn’t kind. It’s hurtful. It’s angry. It sneaks up on you when you least expect it. Grief feels as though everyone else is going about their normal business and you’re expected to as well, only it’s very difficult, even paralyzing and depressing. Grief causes your reactions during other life circumstances to be different.

When going through the sadness of grief, coupled with lack of sleep, and the hopeless circumstances of covid, I didn’t know how I was going to make it. Life was never going to be the same. I felt like I couldn’t hear from God.

It seemed selfish sharing what I was going through with anyone considering everyone else was struggling, too. Plus, there are things as leaders that are best held close for a variety of reasons.

Here’s the good news- during grief, in the midst of pressure, in the midst of uncertainty and the unknown- even when you don’t feel Him, even when you don’t see Him, God is right beside you.

I am telling you something you already know. Maybe you need reminded? God’s word is true. It doesn’t lie.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and I will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:11-14

Some of you may feel you are being held captive. You’re being held captive by grief, hurt, offense, the medical report, or the broken relationship. You’re struggling with addiction or trying to manage debt. You’re feeling lonely. You’re feeling isolated. His word says He will bring you back from captivity. I know this to be true. I’ve lived it. His word also says weeping last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Daniel faced lions, Moses and the Children of Israel faced a sea, and 3 men were thrown into the fire. The fire was like 10 times hotter than normal. What did God do? He delivered them all. He parted the sea, shut the lion’s mouth, and sent Jesus into the fire.

The more difficult the circumstance, the bigger God shows himself to be.

If you seek Him, He will be found. His word says so. Remember, even though it feels like He’s not anywhere to be found, He is right beside you. He will “show up” in ways you never dreamed possible. His thoughts and His ways are way bigger and better than ours. His way of thinking is way beyond ours. His word says so.

In days ahead I will share about what my husband and I call “The midnight hour.” I will share my husband’s version of grief when He lost his dad during covid. I will share what total reliance on God looked like in my life. I want to tell you about the scriptures God gave me to stand on. I also want to tell you what 6 years later feels like.