Vacation Introspection

When I was a kid, I was always fearful of doing anything wrong and dying and going to hell. Every time there was an alter call, I was likely the first one on my knees. When I became a teenager, I felt a certain freedom when I had an encounter with the Holy Spirit and decided to “die to self.” The church I grew up in would call it “entire sanctification.” That experience took care of the “fear factor” of my concern for perfection.

I’ve always tried to find the middle ground between believing I can do anything I want and still go to heaven verses believing I have to live a perfect life to go to heaven.

I’ve come to realize the Christian journey isn’t a slow steady upward diagonal. My Christian journey has been a slow line of growth followed by a steady straight line where there isn’t any real growth, nor a decline. That is followed by a decline, followed by a slow steady growth. It’s been filled with ups, downs, fast growth, slow growth, no growth, and times of going backwards. One thing that is for certain: I love The Lord. My relationship with Jesus through it all has becoming stronger with each new year.

He gives, forgives, loves, listens, and carries me. I love My heavenly Father deeply.  As I think about my relationship with God, and relationships in general, I have so many thoughts. All relationships start with this certain zeal, fire, and infatuation. At the beginning of any relationship, you want to spend as much time as possible because of the excitement. I think of the love I have for my own husband- It seemed strong when we got married, but the good times AND bad times caused our love to strengthen. When I say bad times, I don’t necessarily mean bad times between us. I’m talking about all bad times we’ve been through together as couple. It’s the same with our relationship with God. When we choose to consult Him in our life circumstances, our relationship with Him can’t help but grow.

I think we make a conscious decision each day- Do I choose to take up His Cross today? Do I choose to follow God today? Do I choose to deny myself today? In the process of answering those questions, is my relationship growing?

The answer could likely be no to any of those questions. However, the answer could likely be a sincere yes to a few of them. The answers could change daily if we’re being honest and real. What we do with those same questions the following day and the day after that and the day after that becomes important. That’s what the Christian journey is… falling short sometimes and determining not to live defeated. If you keep answering those questions with the heart to say yes, you’ll wake up a year later with a closer relationship with Our Heavenly Father.

The deeper my walk with Jesus, the less I realize I know. This I do know. My relationship with God is stronger and deeper than when I started. It begins with the sincerity in which I seek Him. I look forward to it deepening and strengthening with each new day. He’s so faithful and good, even when I fall short.